u need to have transition sentences and your decision of why you chose those values. also, there are some grammar mistakes. I like the your introduction, it is very hook, but i think you need to estimate it ( make it shorter- go straight to your thesis). And you need a conclusion too. BEside, concentrate into every first sentence of your para, cause it is quite boring ( i didn't mean the idea, i meant the way you wrote it)
u need to have transition sentences and your decision of why you chose those values. also, there are some grammar mistakes. I like the your introduction, it is very hook, but i think you need to estimate it ( make it shorter- go straight to your thesis). And you need a conclusion too. BEside, concentrate into every first sentence of your para, cause it is quite boring ( i didn't mean the idea, i meant the way you wrote it)
ReplyDeleteduring i wright this essay i have no such a feeling so it not good. i'm not in the good mood at that time, too. i have to fix it alot
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